he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
