i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
