time to smoke my breakfast
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
