dude i'm inner monologue high
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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