I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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