I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
