Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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