Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize