So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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