I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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