so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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