mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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