his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
