sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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