Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
