She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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