hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
