dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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