White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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