I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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