Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
