What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
