East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
