I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
