Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
