thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize