you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
