We're facebook friends in real life
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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