my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
