Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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