In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I fill condoms, not promises.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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