why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
