yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
