sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
