he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
