The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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