If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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