Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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