While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
