Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Did I show you my penis last night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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