maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
