You just made me feel so damn special
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
