she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
