hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
