So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
