I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
