She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
