Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
