I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
