I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
