Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize