Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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