He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
