The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
