Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
