Sponge bath it is.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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