Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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