i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
