and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
