He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
